...I wouldn't feel like this.

So I stopped birth control pills during college because they made me feel terrible. My moods were all over the place. When I went off them I almost immediately felt better. It was insane and so obvious that the pills were the problem. I was on Orthotricyclen for over a year before I changed pills. So I figured if I was on that one for so long it must not have been that bad. So that's the one I got back on a little over a week ago.

Already I'm feeling psycho. I have argued and bickered with B more than we have in years. It's been bad. I've gone to sleep twice crying. Last night I had a meltdown. I feel horrible. I feel fat, disgusting and yet I feel helpless to change anything. I know that exercise is the answer and a slight change in diet, but I just can't seem to lift myself up to do them. I'm feeling really sad that I'm going to have to leave M with a sitter. I'm planning to ask work about a change in my schedule that is a new idea to the company and I'm not sure how it will go over so I'm nervous about that. I feel bad because I've made B's life so much more difficult than it needed to be and it's always after a long day at work. Last night I was so tired and pitiful that I would cry every time M would fuss. I was so tired of being the ONLY one to be able to calm him down...but if B would try he would scream his guts out and I would end up taking over because I can't stand to hear him scream like that.

So I made the decision to quit cold turkey on those horrible birth control pills. I'm just going to stop them. I know it will probably mess up my cycle this month, but seriously what cycle? I don't remember the last time I actually had a known cycle, aside from when I got pregnant and I didn't realize it at the time that it was a normal cycle. So I'm going to let the chips fall where they may. We'll use other forms of protection, but if something happens on an accident we'll just count our blessings that we didn't have to spend $10k on another in-vitro cycle. :-)

So keep your fingers crossed that it will get out of my system quickly and I'll be back to my normal, tolerable, kind self in no time! Until then, you might wanna steer clear of me. ;-)