...I could be a stay-at-home Mom.

I am back at work now...started this past Monday. I hate it. I hate being away from M. I hate it that someone else spends more time with him. I hate it that I only see him awake for like 2 hours a day. I hate it that I don't know how he behaves when he's being fed. I hate it that I'm not raising my son.

I had no idea I would feel this way. I honestly was sure I would want to go back to work because I like the interaction. But now that I'm back I hate it. I just want to be with M all day everyday again. I don't want someone to know more about his day-to-day life than me. It breaks my heart that I don't get to be with him when he does everything for the first time. I'm completely surprised by my feelings.

On top of that, I went to work on Monday and received a new job description. Yes, the job I left is no more. All the things I loved about my job are no longer my responsibility. I hate going to work now even more. At least if I have to leave my son at the sitter's house all day Monday through Friday I would like to be doing something I enjoy...not that I dread. Oh well, such is life right? At least I have a paycheck coming in and great benefits. I suppose I should quit bitching and thank my lucky stars to be so fortunate.

Alright, off to bathe the kiddo and fall into bed...to start all over again.

...there are no words for this.

So my Dad saw the pic of M pouting. He said he thinks he looks like Winston Churchill. Well, I couldn't remember exactly what Churchill looked like. So I googled him and downloaded a picture.

Think the resemblance is strong?

...I wouldn't have to leave him with a sitter.

But since I have to I luckily found a great one! I took M to the sitter today for a trial run while the painters are here painting our living room (cathedral ceilings, gotta love 'em!). I got up this morning and woke up before him because he slept for 9 hours (!!). Got dressed, brushed my teeth and went into the bedroom and he was laying in his pack-n-play smiling away. I got him out and unwrapped him (sleeps in his Miracle Blanket-aka Baby Straight jacket). He stretched and I changed and dressed him and he wasn't even acting hungry. So I got the diaper bag (packed the night before so I wouldn't forget anything) and we were on our way.

I got there and she already had one kid, a 4 year old named Jordan there...and another one came while I was there, a 1 year old whose name I don't know. She said she was so excited to have a baby again. By the time we got there he was hungry and I made him a bottle. Gave him to her to start feeding while I wrote out all the important info regarding feedings, sleep, and phone numbers. I looked over and while she was feeding him he was looking up at her smiling. Talk about a relief. I mean, not that I want him to fall in love with her, but it makes a mama feel good that he is taking to her well right off the bat. So I finished up and high-tailed it out of there so I could leave him on a happy note rather than a screaming upset one.

So now I feel a lot better about going back to work. I mean I'd obviously rather spend every waking minute with him so I don't miss anything, but if I can't be with him at least he'll be with someone great whom he seems to like already. The other kids also seemed to really like her as well which is nice to see. :-) So I'm gonna run over and get him as soon as the painters leave for the day. I hope he smiles real big for me when I go get him...

...I could resist kissing these cheeks.

Amy Sieweke stopped by on her way to Louisville last week and had lunch, but before we could get to any food she had to snap some shots of my man. I believe she captured his true essence. This is the pouty face that is going to cost me TONS of money in the not to distant future.

I absolutely LOVE this picture. I think it's wonderful and it's probably my favorite one of him yet and I just had to share it with the world. :-) If you like this pic and you're in the Ashland area give her a call.

For more of her work check her out here:
http://amysiewekephotography.zenfolio.com/

...I could ignore Gov. Palin and she would go away.

So, I'm gonna go political again. Sorry for you Republican friends of mine...I can't help it.

So...Governor Palin. Where to start. First, sexist or not, you have 5 children. One is pregnant at 17 and is going to need Mom's support. One is a 4 month old child with Down Syndrome. One is headed to Iraq. I think your family needs you more than your country. Okay, but really none of that is my business...it's up to her if she wants to babysit McCain instead of her family. To each his own.

But let's look at some other things about this woman that make me ill. First, she clearly doesn't believe in separation of church and state, which in my mind is huge. I don't want anyone who refers to getting legislation passed as "God's will" running my country. This country was founded because our forefathers weren't allowed to choose their religion...well then why in the world are we going to force God on Americans now? Isn't that sort of going against what our forefather sacrificed so much for?

Also, this lady was a part of the Alaska Secession Party, which tried to get Alaska removed from the United States of America. How is that patriotic? People talk about Obama's patriotism...she better not say a word. How do you go from being part of a group who wants to NOT be part of the United States to the Republican nominee for VP of the US? Makes zero sense to me.

Her speech, while delivered very well, was pathetic. All she did was bash Obama/Biden and tout how she was a hockey mom. How the hell can you be a hockey mom and be Governor? It's not like you can be at most games. How many does she get to like 1 a season? She really does a disservice to women everywhere. If Republicans were going to pick a female VP candidate, why not pick one who is strong and stands for what the US was founded on?

There's more, but the baby is stirring and I'm about to get super nasty anyway...so that's all for now. I'm looking forward to seeing how she falls on her face in the coming 8 weeks.

...I wouldn't feel like this.

So I stopped birth control pills during college because they made me feel terrible. My moods were all over the place. When I went off them I almost immediately felt better. It was insane and so obvious that the pills were the problem. I was on Orthotricyclen for over a year before I changed pills. So I figured if I was on that one for so long it must not have been that bad. So that's the one I got back on a little over a week ago.

Already I'm feeling psycho. I have argued and bickered with B more than we have in years. It's been bad. I've gone to sleep twice crying. Last night I had a meltdown. I feel horrible. I feel fat, disgusting and yet I feel helpless to change anything. I know that exercise is the answer and a slight change in diet, but I just can't seem to lift myself up to do them. I'm feeling really sad that I'm going to have to leave M with a sitter. I'm planning to ask work about a change in my schedule that is a new idea to the company and I'm not sure how it will go over so I'm nervous about that. I feel bad because I've made B's life so much more difficult than it needed to be and it's always after a long day at work. Last night I was so tired and pitiful that I would cry every time M would fuss. I was so tired of being the ONLY one to be able to calm him down...but if B would try he would scream his guts out and I would end up taking over because I can't stand to hear him scream like that.

So I made the decision to quit cold turkey on those horrible birth control pills. I'm just going to stop them. I know it will probably mess up my cycle this month, but seriously what cycle? I don't remember the last time I actually had a known cycle, aside from when I got pregnant and I didn't realize it at the time that it was a normal cycle. So I'm going to let the chips fall where they may. We'll use other forms of protection, but if something happens on an accident we'll just count our blessings that we didn't have to spend $10k on another in-vitro cycle. :-)

So keep your fingers crossed that it will get out of my system quickly and I'll be back to my normal, tolerable, kind self in no time! Until then, you might wanna steer clear of me. ;-)