...5 months wouldn't just be a memory.

I know it's late, but here's a video montage of M's 5th month. Enjoy!! He's so big and such a little character.

...it's Christmas!

Yes, M's first Christmas is finally here. This is also the 8th Christmas B and I have spent together. While things have changed a great deal over the years, it's still Christmas and we're so happy to be surrounded by family...now our own family. M's stocking is hanging on the mantle with some goodies in it, there are gifts under the tree...and our kitchen is ready for baking. Life is good.

We were good though and didn't go over board on the gifts for him. We figured he's only interested in like 1 toy at a time anyway and the grandparents will probably bombard him with gifts...so we went light this year. We also decided that we will not be "those" parents who overwhelm their child with gifts to the point that they don't appreciate them and being to feel entitled to them. We want him to always appreciate what he gets. So while we'll do more than we did this year, we're still going to TRY to maintain a "one big gift and a few small ones" plan.

Below are a couple of great shots of M in his Christmas attire. :-)















Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays/Happy Hannukah/Feliz Navidad/Happy Kwanza, whatever works for you...either way enjoy it!

...I could hit pause on my life.

Last night B was feeding M before bed and he wouldn't take his bottle. So as usual, Brad put some Orajel on his gums because he's been teething for a good 2 months now. When he did that he felt something new that he hadn't felt before. That's right...the tippy-top of a tooth is trying to poke through! It's still in his gums, but it's starting to make its way to the top. :-)

I almost started crying. I'm so happy he's growing normally and things are as they should be, but does it have to go by so fast? He was barely bigger than a 20 oz. Coke...and now he's getting teeth! Someone stop the ride?? I wanna get off with my little man and keep him little like he is now.

...the answer would be clear.

I have this overwhelming need to teach my son, from an early age, to be selfless and to be empathetic to others' situations. I want him to put himself in other people's shoes before he judges them. I've seen so many people around me be selfish (myself included) and judge other people's situation without having an inkling of how it feels to be them. I want to make sure he knows that someone else always has it more rough than he does and that the way to make himself feel better is to help someone else feel better. B told me the other day that we need to make sure we're happy so that others around us will in turn be happy and I think he's onto something.

My dilema is that I just don't know how to be a good role model for M. I want him to see me helping others and doing great, selfless things for others so that he will want to model that himself and he will be raised by two people who care so much about others that he will know no other way. I'm just not sure how to get started. I feel such a strong draw to the children in Africa, but I don't know how, aside from a monetary donation, to help them. I also don't want him to think a monetary donation is enough. While that's a great start, I want him to know that just sending someone a check doesn't feel nearly as good as physically helping someone.

So where do I start? I can't move to Africa. I can't quit my job and work not-for-profit...so where do I begin? I just see that he has so much potential to be a wonderful human being and I don't want to mess that up a bit. It's my job as his mother and B's as his father to make sure he's surrounded by encouraging people and people who model the behavior we want him to learn as the norm. So where do I begin? Any ideas?

...time would slow down and let me catch my breath!

Here is the video we made for Nic of M's 4th month on Earth. This one isn't quite as fun as the others, but cute. I warn you, I have an addiction to photographing M's face. So be prepared.

...religion would be cut and dry.

For those that know me, you know I've never been a very religious person. I respect people of all religions, but I've just never actually bought into one religion. I've always considered myself Agnostic because I believe in God, but not necessarily the Bible and Jesus Christ. Well, strangely enough, after having M I've been feeling much more drawn to a religion. I'm not sure what the deal is. I find myself feeling comforted by God and prayer. I've always prayed to God, but never "really" believed it would do any good.

When I was doing fertility treatments, mine and Brad's best friends got pregnant after 3 months. This was 9 months before we got pregnant. It was really, really hard on me. I love them both so I never showed them how much it hurt because I had no right to rain on their parade and I was sooooo excited about the future little one. Well right after they got pregnant I started to pray to God asking Him to just please let me be pregnant before Carter came into the world. I just didn't want to have to be at the hospital when he was being born knowing that I may not have a baby of my own one day. Well, the day came when Courtney was going to be induced and coincidentally or not, I found out that morning I was pregnant. So the following day when Carter was born I KNEW in the hospital that I was pregnant.

It was at that time that I started to really wonder about God and whether that coincidence or not. Then after M came I started to feel a need to understand. I mean, M's life is such a miracle and it wasn't just luck...there was more to it than that. I truly believe now that God had a plan for me. As bad as I hated the whole process, He wanted to test B and I and pull us closer together before we introduced a new person into the mix. We rose to the occassion and tackled some really tough situations and were there for each other every step of the way and after that point we got pregnant.

I'm not going to preach to anyone, ever because I always hated that, but I do feel much more at peace now that I'm finding my way with regards to God. A big thanks to MayDayGirl for helping me without even knowing it. :-)

...I would live closer to Amy Sieweke.

So that she could photograph our little man ALL THE TIME. Seriously, the woman is a genius. She came to Shelbyville this past weekend and stayed overnight with us and took pictures of M on the farm where B and I got married for his 3 month pictures. I wish sooooooo much that I would've had her do his newborn photos. No slight on Wales Hunter, but he's a photojournalist, not a portrait guy. I knew this.




















You should go check out the rest of them at http://amysiewekephotography.zenfolio.com