...religion would be cut and dry.

For those that know me, you know I've never been a very religious person. I respect people of all religions, but I've just never actually bought into one religion. I've always considered myself Agnostic because I believe in God, but not necessarily the Bible and Jesus Christ. Well, strangely enough, after having M I've been feeling much more drawn to a religion. I'm not sure what the deal is. I find myself feeling comforted by God and prayer. I've always prayed to God, but never "really" believed it would do any good.

When I was doing fertility treatments, mine and Brad's best friends got pregnant after 3 months. This was 9 months before we got pregnant. It was really, really hard on me. I love them both so I never showed them how much it hurt because I had no right to rain on their parade and I was sooooo excited about the future little one. Well right after they got pregnant I started to pray to God asking Him to just please let me be pregnant before Carter came into the world. I just didn't want to have to be at the hospital when he was being born knowing that I may not have a baby of my own one day. Well, the day came when Courtney was going to be induced and coincidentally or not, I found out that morning I was pregnant. So the following day when Carter was born I KNEW in the hospital that I was pregnant.

It was at that time that I started to really wonder about God and whether that coincidence or not. Then after M came I started to feel a need to understand. I mean, M's life is such a miracle and it wasn't just luck...there was more to it than that. I truly believe now that God had a plan for me. As bad as I hated the whole process, He wanted to test B and I and pull us closer together before we introduced a new person into the mix. We rose to the occassion and tackled some really tough situations and were there for each other every step of the way and after that point we got pregnant.

I'm not going to preach to anyone, ever because I always hated that, but I do feel much more at peace now that I'm finding my way with regards to God. A big thanks to MayDayGirl for helping me without even knowing it. :-)