So when I had M I assumed that seeing him in the arms of people I love would thrill me and I'd have the warm, fuzzy feelings. I don't. Don't get me wrong...I'm so happy that M is happy in other people's arms and that he loves his family (grandparents, aunts & uncles, etc.), but I just don't feel overwhelmed with joy like I thought that I would. I don't know why that is. I don't know if maybe in our efforts to get pregnant something has tripped in my brain and now I'm TOO attached to him or what. I'm happiest when he's in MY arms or B's of course.
I also don't want to be away from him. I already have to be away from him for 10 hours a day working...so when work is over I'm happy being with just M and B. We go out on dates alone, but not very often. We have sitters (ie., grandparents) ready and waiting basically, but we rarely use them. We have not spent a night away from him since he was born almost 9 months ago. I've only missed one bath/bedtime.
I know the grandparents think they should be watching him more, but I honestly just don't want to be away from him. He's my little miracle and when I'm with him I feel complete. In late May, the girls and I are planning a trip to Charleston, SC for a weekend of fun and silliness. That will be the first time I'm away from him. It's going to be really, really hard. At that point he'll almost be a year old...and I know B is obviously more than capable of taking care of him while I'm gone. So it should be fine, but it's still hard and I get a little anxious thinking about it already.
Am I crazy to feel this way? Is it going to make me a crazy mother-in-law? I'm doing my best to recognize how I feel and deal with it and do what I know is right, but it's tough!
But a little tip to anyone who thinks they should be watching our baby more...don't bitch. It just makes me mad. You'll watch him when we're ready and not a moment sooner whether it's normal, crazy, or whatever else you might call it. That's how we roll.
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